marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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