Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
