I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
