You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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