I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How naked do you want me to be?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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