One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
