"it" just moved
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
