girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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