it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
