I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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