oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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