I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
