So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
