i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
