I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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