oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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