girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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