Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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