They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
