Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
