she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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