When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
