a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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