You made me cry and you don't even care
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
