Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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