is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
