I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
