Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
