When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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