What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
