Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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