i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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