i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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