How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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