let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
