also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
