Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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