I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
