We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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