How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is Oprah even human
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
