this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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