I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
