you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
