So drunk its hurt
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
