is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's shark week go big or go home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
