she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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