she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
