and you said cock pushups were impossible
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
