just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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