I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
