She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
